i fell asleep listening to this song the other night.
and i woke up with fresh tears streaming down my face.
i'm not sure if i fell asleep crying, or if i'd begun to cry in my sleep.
i hate how much i've been like that lately. these tears of utter melancholy are so frequent that i'm beginning to wonder if i'll always be like this.
if this deep sadness is just a part of who i am.
i don't want it to be.
i want to be one of those people that are constantly happy and wake up looking forward to the day. i want to laugh and smile and really mean it.
i want meaning.
i want this hollow void within my heart to be filled. i want to be satisfied.
but. how?
i'm scared of constantly waking up and not knowing what day it is. of being somewhere and having no idea to how i got there. of not being able to listen to what anyone is saying to me.
most of all, i hate how i can only admit these things to an electronic device that really doesn't give a fuck if i cry in my sleep.
so for now i shall continue to simply nod along and pretend to be a mass enthusiast of life.
a facade i'm all too good at.
i just need the glitch in my brain to be fixed.
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i care that you cry. more than you know.
ReplyDeletex
When I see you at school, you might not no it. But I look in your eyes and I see sadness. I'm not sure if you know it, but just seeing you smile, makes my day almost every day.
ReplyDeleteLife is full of misfortunes, but as the robinsons said. 'Keep moving forward'