it's like that feeling you get when you are riding a bike and your wheels start to skid, or when you miss a step and start falling down the stairs

it’s that kind of horrible feeling that gives you those few long, long seconds to realise you are going to be hurt. and badly.
so you brace yourself. pretending like this realisation will somehow make it hurt less.
but it never does.
and you end up on the ground. bleeding and crying.
just like you knew you would.

lately i can tell when i’m going to be hurt by something. or someone.
and as much as i know that the pain is coming. and as much as i put a guard up to protect myself, it always hurts the same.
every single time.

i want to go to a place where i can run for hours and never find the boundaries. where the sky covers me; the clear air swarming in, around, and through me. i want to go to a place where time is non-existent and i can lay for days without it mattering. where i can forget about feeling this, or being this kind of person.
a place where i can just be.